Smash Brothers Balls
by Kargg
Summary: Mario and the gang are back in Smash Brothers Balls! This is a look into the life of the game characters before they were duking it out in the game world. Many had day time jobs, others...well...
1. Chapter 1

Smash Brothers Balls

All characters copyright of their respective authors.

In a far off land, many centuries ago, there was once a time when all the video game characters weren't competing for supremecy. For many it was a somewhat dull time, living out their regular routines. A very overwhelming majority of the characters, however, would daily have atrocious and disgusting acts of rampant gay sex to quell their gross urges. This is their story.

News Reporter: "This is Lucario, with Smash Live Action News. You may be wondering how a pokemon got a job as a news reporter on daytime television...Let's just say it took a lot of dedication, a lot of HJ's at the corporate officer, and a lot of other unthinkable acts such as poke'ball stuffing. But this isn't about that, we have our field reporter live on the scene right now in front of the Hero, Mario's house. The police are on scene at the moment at and have started 'It smells like a plumber's asshole right now'...Let's look now to our field reporter, Daisy."

News Anchor: "This is Daisy, live on the scene. We don't really know what's going on inside this house right now, but the MKPD (Mushroom Kingdom Police Department) have been getting reports of a domestic disturbance moments earlier and have just arrived on scene. They are planning to use tear gas. We don't know why they plan to use tear gas, one police officer stated that he was bored and felt like using tear gas. He also kept wanting to show me his moves. I refused. Let's see what the police officer has to say."

As the focus switches on the police officer, in the backround, mushrooms can be scene flying out of the house. The mushrooms have conspicous brown fluid on them.

Daisy: "Your name, officer?"

Police Officer: "Show ya moves!"

Daisy: "What..?"

PO: "Show ya moves! Show ya moves?"

Daisy: "NAME??"

PO: "coughs sorry about that..sometimes that just kinda happens. Officer Falcon, reporting for duty!

Daisy: "What's going on right now?"

Officer Falcon: " A very horrific and gay scene, I must say. We thought at first the domestic disturbance would be between Mario and PEACH. Turns out, it's between Mario and his very awkwardly beloved brother, Luigi..."

Moments earlier inside the mushroom house..

Luigi: Mario, you've-ah gotta stop this! You're killing yourself!

Mario: Fuck off Luigi, you don't know me. You're just a little bitch, now where did you hide my stash?

Luigi: Mario, these-ah poison mushrooms are killing you! You haven't looked this pale and greasy since you got addicted to-ah World of Warcraft! What would-ah Peach think of you?

Mario: Fuck that bitch! I couldn't give have a nut about her, where the hells my poison mushrooms?!

Later...

Daisy: "Police have just busted down the door, they are beginning to search the area.."

Officer Falcon: "Good GOD!"

Falcon watches as Mario is stuffing poison mushrooms in his own ass, Luigi lay on the floor with several of his teeth knocked out in a pool of blood.

Officer Falcon: "Oh what the FUCK you sick piece of shit. What the hell is this you sick pig, you sick ass piece of hairy cockbarrel lovely ass piece of shittin shit, Oh thats fuckin sick...Deputy..cuff him"

Deputy Pikachu: "PIKAAAAAA"

All of a sudden, a lightning bolt hits the roof and starts the roof on fire.

Officer Falcon: "I said cuff him you little yellow dickstain! Not burn us alive in a house shaped like a dick! Am I the only sane one here?"

Falcon carries out Mario and Luigi out over his shoulder forcefully, leaving Pikachu to die in the blaze of his own stupidity. Unfortunately, Pikachu's are replaceable.

Hours later, Luigi wakes up in the hospital

Luigi: "Mama mia...I'm-ah in the hospital? Nurse!"

A nurse walks in..

Nurse Pit: "Hey there I just flew in from San Francisco and boy are my wings tired...nyuck nyuck nyuck.."

Luigi: "Wait, you're a guy. What the hell-ah you doing in a nurse uniform?"

Pit: "Well..I AM your nurse."

Luigi tries to hide his laughter

Pit: "What's the matter?"

Luigi: "But...you're a man!"

Pit: "Well despite what a lot of people think, there are a lot of male nurses in the world, that are really quite masculine, well trained, and do it just because they have a big heart and want to help people."

Luigi: "Hahaha...alright, nancy."

Pit: "Damnit Luigi! I knew I shouldn't have loved you!"

Pit storms off crying, running like a little girl.

Luigi: "Gay little bitch..I hope he didn't do anything to me while I was sleeping. My ass does hurt a little bit. And this pool of semen on my stomach leads me to believe that someone may have violated me while I was in a coma...Oh well..time to check whats on TV..."

Luigi begins channel surfing through different programs, he finds a porno but notices it has nothing but girls in it so he floats right past it. After going through every station twice, he decides to settle on a TV show that suits him.

Luigi: "Hey I kinda like this show!...love and marriage..love and marriage..it's an institute..dah dah daaah dah.."

Will Mario ever get help with his drug problem? Hell, will he even get out of jail? Will he get violated by other inmates? Do you hope he does? If you do, go get help you sick little shit! Will Luigi ever get out of bed and turn the TV off so he can help his brother?

Tune in next time for "Married With Koopas!" In Smash Brothers Balls Part 2!

- Kargg


	2. Chapter 2

Smash Brothers Balls PART 2!!

All characters copyright of their respective authors.

* * *

Luigi is sitting in his hospital bed, after an epic battle at Mario's house when he tried to stop Mario from using drugs. Luigi had both of his arms broken so he can't masturbate to his favorite magazine: "plumbers in heat", so he checked out what daytime television had to offer.

Luigi: "Hey'ah, I haven't-ah seen this show in a while!"

Focusing on the TV screen now, the caption says "Married with Koopas."

Bowser walks in and hangs his jacket on the hook. He walks into the living room, barely acknowledging his wife in the on other side of the sofa eating bonbons.

Rosalina: "How was work, Bowsie?"

Bowser: "I had a fat woman walk into the shoe store today. She asked for something that she would feel comfortable in. I suggested Wyoming. What's for dinner, Rosa?"

Rosalina: "I haven't had time, Bowsie! I've been reading stories to the kids!"

Bowser: "The kids are teenagers for christ sakes! Besides, that story about how you traveled around on a star is getting pretty damn boring anyway. Can't you get a job or something? Today I had to put shoes on 5 elephants, a hippo, and a manitee, and what did you do? Read that stupid book again! Grumble grumble grumble...I NEED FOOD, WOMAN!"

Rosalina: "Oh come on Bowsie, the tang is in the kitchen! Just have your usual tangwich."

Bowser walks into the kitchen, with a hint of sadness and dispair in his eyes. As he stomps over clumsily to the kitchen, his kids walk in the door.

* * *

Rosalina: "Theres my kids! How was school? Did you bring home anything to eat?"

Bowser Jr: "Come on Mom! Everyone knows thats dad's job. Did you get anything to eat dad? I've been starving for 5 days now."

Bowser pulls his pockets out completely and flies come out of them. Bowser looks at him and scowls.

Bowser Jr: "Nice going, dad."

Lyn: "Hi Daddy!"

Bowser: "Hi pumpkin. How was school? ...not like I care or anything.."

Lyn: "Great! The boys have started giving me a new nickname: 'Loose Lyn!' I think it's because of my laidback personality!"

Bowser facepalms.

Bowser Jr: "Well I guess thats better than 'Flapping In The Wind Lyn' like I thought you would have gotten."

Bowser slugs him over the head.

Bowser Jr: "Ow! What the hell was that for?"

Bowser: "At least she made it into Smash Bros. Albeit, an assist trophy, that's still better than what you've done for the past 10 years."

Bowser Jr: "Mom and I BOTH made it into Mario Kart!"

Bowser: "Whoop-dee-fuckin doo! My fucking SKELETON made it into Mario Kart. People have even made shitty Miis of me and put them into Mario Kart...And Mario Sunshine? Pffft..."

* * *

Rosalina is sitting on the couch eatting bon-bons with her legs crossed, one of the feet constantly kicking in a fast motion.

Rosalina: "He's doing the best he can with what he has, Bowsie. You've cast quite a shadow over him. Plus, all this talking is distracting me from Oprah. Can you all be quiet?"

Bowser picks up the jar of tang, opens it up, tilts it upside, looks inside of it, and nothing comes out. Bowser also tries looking behind the dishwasher for some old dusty M&Ms that might have been dropped. Suspiciously, Bowser finds an M&M, but he can't let him family know about the hidden stash, so he tucks it under his shell and decides of a place he can go to eat it without the family being within earshot of his loud jaw snapping and crunching the single peice of chocolatey, dusty, spider-webbed goodness.

Bowser: "Alright family, I'm going to the nudie bar. Hopefully I won't return."

Rosalina: "Have a good time honey. But don't forget to pay the piper!"

On his way out Bowser hands his wife a dollar bill. As he makes his way to the door, he doesn't make it another foot without his two kids hassling him for money as well, he gives them both a dollar and continues running. Crashing through the door on the way out.

Bowser: "Fuck...not again..that's the third time this week."

Will Bowser ever be able to eat his M&M in peace? What the bloody fuck happened to Mario? Why am I talking like a gay englishman? Who is Bowser going to meet at the Nudie Bar? Find out the answers you seek on the next episode of Smash Brothers Balls!


End file.
